IS it really worth the pain, side effects such as headaches, blood pressure rising and possible heath issues and your sanity??? NO but in reality its hard as hell when your just bombarded with a lot and feel likes there's no way out. WELL ladies and gents. That's how I felt last night. I felt like I was at the breaking point of disaster. A meltdown, falling apart, breakdown. I felt like I was alone that I could not do anything as like its me that's the problem. So I snapped out on my brother and dad after things that where truly a joke and I didn't mean it but it was hitting the head of all my frustrations. After I calmed down, I did the right thing and apologize to my brother.
I talked with my mom who always has wise things but real to tell me. She does not hold anything back and I love her for that. I know all too well that I am totally a high strung nut case when things don't go right nor my way. TRUE to the 1000000th power. And I need a better release system as she stated I need to breathe in and out when or before I feel that frustration coming on. That I am stressed because I am caring for two house holds. And of course I need to pray and ask the Lord to take the burden off me and guild my tongue in other words. That I have done and I do feel a bit better. But I personally have a lot to work on. I admit that for real. Why not. I'm not perfect so hey. So the yoga/ball exercises shall be a calming effect for me don't you think.
Anyhow, moving along. CHEATING.... do I think my dude is doing such. Well something in the back of my head is telling me that he is.. For one, we are struggling, second his boys does not deal with him/being fake all because of me and I don't even know these lil boys. Therefore I know know he blames me for that and he is NOT over it and I have to constantly hear it when he vents/rants. Third because of my work schedule and his lack of. So why me and why lie... I shall never know. But I have broke my neck over and over and can not help anyone else out. I need the help now....and no one has come to my rescue. Just saying. I don't have proof because its more so on the computer/facebook/IM or the older phone number/sim card that I know he probably switches out to talk to certain ppl when I'm not around. BUT HEY I NEED TO WORRY ABOUT MYSELF THEN THIS MESS RIGHT.. Yeah yeah I know. But its hard when you feel like your being played and used all over again right.
Okay moving along. I sure hope that my nerves can chill this week as this is my mommies bday week, short week and I will be selling my jewelry at the bazaar Saturday. YAAAAAAY Positive things rights. I also want to go and see Wicked. We shall see on that one right.
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