It has been a long while since I wrote in this particular blog. So much has been happening in my life, good and bad, mistakes, hurts, joy, happiness, etc. So here is a quick rundown.........
The last post I was writing about my first love. Well we were suppose to have gotten married. However that did not happen. A lot of things were suppose to happen and happy ever after. However in real life that just does not exists. I wish him well, I hope the children are well, safe, etc. And I sure hope he man up, mature and find what he is looking for within himself.
Moving along, other events transpired around my family. I almost lost both my mother and brother....stress, medical issues that just happened, etc. With the grace and love of the Lord...he helped and kept them here with me. I swear that year was a mess. I do not EVER want to witness what I did, the feeling of not knowing what was going to happen next, feeling alone, etc. But prayer is powerful. I will never understand why things happen the way it does when its not so good, to those who does not deserve it. Anyhow, both my mommie and brother are fine!
After going through all of that, I now have anxiety issues, not a good feeling. But I maintain it NOW...at first I didnt, cant even lie on that. The meds given made you feel off. I do yoga which is a life saver for me. I enjoy each class/session.
Now on to more positive stuff. During the time I was with my ex fiance.... I became a step parent and the fact that I have always wanted them, but sadly found that I could not after trying... I think he for the opportunity to feel parenthood. I loved it even though it was more than 3kids at one time....But if I can get up and care for them while sick and did not mind, not be selfish and put them before my needs, love them even though they was not mines....shoot what else can I ask for. SOOOOOOOOO I decided to go forward with adoption on my own.
And guess what.. I now have a 7mth old babygirl. She is my world...even though the situation with the birth mother is iky, I will fight for my babygirl, my blessing! We hope everything will be squared away end of the year. Lord knows I do as it was suppose to have last month. But I guess they best things are those that we wait for. YAAAAAY for me.
Work situation is well..... lets just say that I am on a continue job hunt, especially since I am a mother...I have to have a better job schedule. And the company I work for, well nothing here for me even after everything I have done and proved myself, etc. A waste. 12 years but anyways.
Love life.....hahahahhaahahah yes I have someone and we shall see where this goes. Long term stat you ask: hummmm I just do not know, I cant really read him. He is NOT like the rest of the males I am use too. Which can be a good or bad thing.. I know I have issues, but hey who the heck doesn't. However, I do know that I am worthy and deserve to be treated as such, pampered, loved, etc.
Do I see another marriage in my future? Nervousness got me on that, I mean I do not know if anyone would really want me for me, be faithful, loyal, best friend, protector,... I know that I side-eye males with children and mothers who seem to cant and wont let go. Or the guys that cant let go of the mothers OR drama with letting the other see his/her children. It seems to be a trend and I'm personally tired of it. Sorry to my male readers that has kids who are not like what I mentioned, kudos to you. Teach the rest how it suppose to be done. Just a thought LOL
Yeah as you can see, I will never change being me. Situations may change, but I will always be me. I have grown and I have learned. I am now a mother and I have high ass standards. My baby means too much to me and if anyone does not understand, respect that, nor not there with me eye to eye then they can just go on.. JUMP! LOL okay okay not literally..hahahaha
On that note, I'm working on blogging more often then once every 2yrs LOL. As always, thanks for reading, All Smiles Baby
